Image from the New York Times
This morning, the Supreme Court decided in favor of marriage equality. As you can imagine, the joy is flowing like a rainbow river through the land. Well, for most of us. Conservatives are less than pleased that two consenting adults who share the same naughty bits can get hitched in every state. Conservatives like John Boehner, who said this:
All human beings are created equal by God and thus deserve to be treated with love, dignity and respect. I am, however, disappointed that the Supreme Court disregarded the democratically-enacted will of millions of Americans by forcing states to redefine the institution of marriage. My views are based on my upbringing and my faith. I believe that marriage is a sacred vow between one man and one woman, and I believe Americans should be able to live and work according to their beliefs.All human beings are created equal, just not LGBT people who want to get married. And then there's Mike Huckabee, who pretty much pitched a giant hissy fit:
I will not acquiesce to an imperial court any more than our Founders acquiesced to an imperial British monarch. We must resist and reject judicial tyranny, not retreat.Conservatives posting comments on the internet are fuming. Fox's Facebook page is littered with drivel, hate, ignorance, and grammar errors. One man posted this was like women's rights-terrible. And in response to something I wrote somewhere (I don't remember where; I've been to so many websites, read so many articles this morning), a conservative man told me to "go do my gay things."
What does that even mean? Gay things? Like balancing the checkbook, or trying to get someone out to our house to deal with the tree we may have lost during a recent windstorm? Running errands? Brushing the cat? Cleaning the living room? What are gay things? Oh, wait. He means buttsex. I hope Google lets me type buttsex; lord knows they let you search for it. I know that because I did.
First, I Googled "straight buttsex." I was given, just on the first page, article after article telling me why straight people like anal sex. It seems that a lot of heterosexuals really like buttsex. Which is their right. As long as two consenting adults agree on whatever they're doing, it's fine. Then I took my search to the next level, Googling "how popular is straight anal sex in porn?" Turns out, very. So popular, in fact, that a website dedicated to "Christian marriage" has an entire article on the spiritual dangers of buttsex between husbands and wives, and how porn has something to do with all of this. We're not going to mention the studies that show conservative states consume just a wee bit more online porn than other states, and we're certainly not going to mention Ted Haggard.
A conservative man told me to go do "gay things." Other conservatives are quoting (or misquoting) the bible, calling for SCOTUS to be fired (I can't...just stop), blaming this on President Obama, and typing all in caps that this is the end of civilization as we know it. Like this charming woman:
Karen Pauls Anderson What a shame. If the Supreme Court would have originally defined marriage, they might have the right to change the definition. God defined marriage. The U.S. Supreme Court had NO RIGHT.Oh, and this lovely individual:
Roman Galvan Pretty soon.......the supreme court will let people marry animals.....I'm ashamed to be called an American.....Suck it up, buttercups. Just like the ACA, marriage equality is now the law of the land. You can't marry your dog, or your blender, or a tortoise, or the Statue of Liberty, or a flamingo. We're not going to end up being swallowed by God's giant sinkhole. So stop being so hateful, and misrepresenting Christianity, and calling for the LGBT community to be killed, and promoting ignorance and bigotry, and just admit the ruling today has no bearing whatsoever on your heterosexual marriage.
Unless you're Michele Bachmann.