Image from Democratic Underground
Early this morning, after much screaming and about 15 vitamin drinks, I made a video announcing I would not seek reelection in 2014. I think I looked amazing, considering I haven't slept in 5 days. Marcus let me use his sheep placenta eye cream and kept slapping me because all the color drained out of my face.
There are a lot of reasons I made this decision. Jim Graves will probably win because Obummer has released mind-control drugs into the 6th district's water supply, the FBI is going to put me in prison, and Peter Waldron is scary. Why did we EVER put him on the campaign? I mean, he killed people or something in Uganda, or helped people kill people or whatever.
When Minnesota legalized gay marriage, I knew. I knew this was a message from Jesus that my time would be better served ridding the world of evil HOMOS. Obviously Minnesotans think nothing of God abandoning them, and they don't care at all that by allowing HOMOS to get married, their entire state will be turned into a pillar of salt. I can't live in salt-it would ruin my hair.
I have a plan to keep the 6th district out of the hands of
Marcus and I have been married for 35 years, and during that time we managed somehow to have 5 wonderful children. We raised
The liberal media is already calling me a quitter. Oh hell no. You know who quit? That woman with the hooker hair, Sarah Palin. SHE left her job as governor of
18 months. Marcus says that's plenty of time to do what needs to be done, but I don't know. How do you overturn all the horrible laws and fight back against the fascism growing in this wonderful country? Obamacare is the worst-healthcare for everyone? That's just what Hitler did after he took all the guns.
I need to sleep. I'll figure it out, Diary, I always do. With the help of Marcus's special drinks, Xanax and a hammer.