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Thursday, April 19, 2012

The Bachmann Diaries: Tar Baby, Yeah I Meant It

Dear Diary,

Sorry it's been so long, Marcus and I have been going to counseling ever since he found my handkerchief that smells like Old Spice. Steve King and I haven't spoken for months, and I realize now how deeply committed I am to Marcus. He's a super husband. I mean, how many hubbies highlight their wife's hair, fix them exotic vitamin drinks and watch "Steel Magnolias" over and over again?

So, I was speaking to my wonderful constituents and I called Obummer a tar baby. Okay, I didn't actually call him that, I said his awful energy policies are like a tar baby. Becky almost fainted. What? The people who love me and would have voted for me speak the same language as I do. A long time ago, Steve told me to always use code. Like urban. That's his code word. Uppity. Tar baby. All code words. We're smarter than those liberals think we are!

I miss running for president, but Becky said this is best. It was a lot of work. Memorizing all those facts about the Constitution, learning people's names, meeting that girl who turned out to be my daughter. The debates were fun. I still don't know who that tan guy was. Anywho, I would have made a great Queen of Godlandia. I would have shut down Planned Parenthood's abortionplex, put God back in the government the way our Founding Fathers wanted and made everyone buy a gun.

Marcus and I are gearing up for our annual summer trip to The Creation Museum! We have so much fun there, and I learn something new every time. Last time, I got to ride a dinosaur just like people did 6,000 years ago! I love science!

2016 will be my year. Marcus and I will be Queens of Godlandia!

xoxoxoxoxoxo Michele

© Erin Nanasi 2012